COMM 337: Snarky, snarky ... classic, classic Chicago journalism

Roger Simon, who writes a political column for Politico.com called "Simon Says," is a product of Chicago who wrote for the Sun-Times and the Trib before serving as political editor of U.S. News & World Report and writing books. He says he was taught "the only way for a journalist to look upon a politician was down" and adds when he dies, "he intends to be buried in Chicago, so he can still participate in the politics of that city." Today's column is headlined "Can't we just hold the election now?" It reminds me of Mike Royko, another Chicagoan who wrote a legendary column for the Trib and the Sun-Times. Which is just about the highest praise I can give a print journalist.

Here's Simon on the way Republican vice presidential candidate Sarah Palin upstages GOP running mate John McCain:

She energizes the Republican base! She can draw the Wal-Mart moms! She is so energizing, in fact, it is not clear who is at the top of the ticket and who is at the bottom.

In Palin’s interview with ABC’s Charlie Gibson, he brings up the small fact that McCain doesn’t want to drill for oil in the Arctic National Wildlife Refuge and Palin does. So how does Palin feel about that?

The traditional script says the vice presidential candidate gives in to the presidential candidate. The script says that Palin should say she has had differences with McCain in the past, but now she is part of a team and McCain is the head of that team and it is her job to make sure his agenda gets enacted.

Except she doesn’t say that. She says that McCain is wrong and that she is going to get him to change his mind. “I’m going to keep working on that one with him,” she says of ANWR. “We’ll agree to disagree, but I’m gonna keep pushing that, and I think eventually we’re all gonna come together on that one.”

The base is electrified. Finally, a vice president it can trust: one who isn’t that thrilled with John McCain, either.

And so it goes. Still using the present tense for its immediacy (and no doubt its big-city, wise-guy tone), Simon continues:

This, preceded by Palin’s great speech at the convention, causes the pendulum to swing to the Republicans.

And then the economy tanks.

On Sept. 15, Black Monday, the day the stock market has its worst loss since the Sept. 11 attacks, McCain goes on the campaign trail in Jacksonville, Fla., and says, “The fundamentals of our economy are strong.”

Whoops. Rewind.

And then the bloom starts to fade from the Palin rose. Maybe she isn’t so in sync with blue-collar families, especially those who can’t afford tanning beds that may have cost as much as $35,000. True, Palin bought that tanning bed and had it installed in the Alaska governor’s mansion at her own expense. And the Indoor Tanning Association sent out a press release defending the purchase by saying, “In the bleak winter months, many Americans experience vitamin D deficiency, and the best way to manufacture vitamin D is through exposure to UV light.”

But it turns out you can also get vitamin D by eating things like salmon. Which is why bears in Alaska don’t need tanning beds. They just go down to a stream and scoop up some vitamin D. And how come tanning beds cost that much anyway? Do they come with an upstairs and a downstairs? Or a Prius?

Maybe these questions will be explored at the debates. I almost forgot about the debates. They really might swing the pendulum.

And so on. Royko couldn't have done it any better if he were writing today. Here's Royko on how (and where) to kiss Mayor Richard "Boss" Daley. (Scroll down to the Feb. 16, 1973, column headed "What's Behind Daley's Words? If this whets your appetite for the finer things in life, keep reading and the next story explains what does -- and what does not -- go into a classic Chicago hot dog).