Here's how I might write up the exercise I assigned today in class to rewrite the story on page 40 in Harrower (page 38 [?] in the old edition) inverted pyramid style:
The president of the Cornelis Banta School Parent-Teacher Association was shot to death Tuesday, police said.Notice how I left most of the detail about the shooting, and all the detail about the discussion at the meeting (which might involve motive for the shooting) till later?
Mrs. Noah ten Floed died instantly. Witnesses said she was shot between the eyes during an altercation over the election of new officers. Mrs. Gianello Venutoleri, 00, was taken into custody in connection with the shooting, police said. She was in county jail pending charges.
Van Emburgh’s Funeral Parlor is in charge of arrangements.# # #
1 comment:
Caitlin Taft
Doc. Ellertsen
Monday, Feb. 15th, 2008
Inverted Pyramid. Page 40 in Inside Reporting
The current president named Mrs. Noah ten Floed of the Cornelis Banta Parent-Teacher Association was shot in between the eyes by another teacher on Tuesday, the police stated.
Mrs. Noah ten Floed was said to have died instantly due to the gun shots. It was all over the election the school was having in order of new officers. Mrs. Gianello Venutoleri, the shooter, was immediately taken to jail, the changes still pending.
The funeral parlor that is being used, Van Emburgh’s, is currently in charge of everything.
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